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myrrhcat in bonus_stage_rp


"So, wait," Elly said. "You like that I hate you?"

"Yeah." Joel nodded smugly.

"Whatever, asshole."

"Right back atcha, spaz."

Kenneth was watching this unfold with a detached yet amused expression.

"Hey!" Elly protested. "Quit it with that detached yet amused expression!"

Kenneth detached his amused expression even more.

"You suck, Plymouth!" Elly pouted. "Or whatever the hell your name is!"

"You really enjoy setting up the easy jokes, don't you?" Kenneth remarked.


Both males at the table snickered.

"WELL YOU ARE! Quit acting like I'm a spacey, whiny bitch who doesn't understand anything! I understand LOTS of things!"

"Really? Explain something you understand," Kenneth asked eagerly.

Elly somehow proceeded to give an extremely in-depth and exquisitely accurate explanation of quantum theory.

Joel scoffed. "Psh," he pshed.

"I dunno, it sounded pretty good to me," Kenneth said, impressed against his will but somehow still keeping his cool.

"You should hear Joel's explanation," Elly said. "I think it involves several Nazis having sex with grapefruit."

Joel shook his head. "Not SEVERAL! God, you never listen!"

"I'll start listening when you start making sense."

"Come on, I make all kinds of sense. You think someone not-sense-makey could invent an ENTIRE VIRTUAL UNIVERSE?"

"I didn't think so at first, but, well... there you are," said Elly, gesturing toward Joel vaguely.

"So," Joel blatantly and gracelessly changed the subject, "if you're not stalking me anymore, what have you been doing with yourself?"

"I've been pretty much doing what I do right under your nose," said Elly. "I can't help it if you haven't paid the slightest fucking bit of care."

"Why would I pay a fucking bit of care?"

"I dunno. I wouldn't if I were you, since I don't care about you either."

"Right, we established that." Joel looked bored.

"Yeah I'm sick of arguing this is boring and lame now," said Elly.

"Yeah," Kenneth agreed. "Why don't we cut to some other people?"

"...What does that even mean?" asked Elly.


Cassidy woke up first. Violet was still konked out next to her. She had to take a moment to remember why they were in a condo and whether the reason was a dirty one. Then she remembered and felt relieved. Mostly. She decided to go to the bathroom, since her bladder was still full of soda from the mini-fridge.

Once in the bathroom, she sat on the toilet and started relieving her bladder and, more importantly, thinking about stuff.

First, she thought about ducks, and how cute they were. Then she thought about food and how good it was, especially peanut butter sandwiches. She remembered the photograph she had taken of one, that one time... It seemed like forever ago now. Actually, it didn't. It seemed like a few days. Which is what it was.

Then she thought about dirty things. Like dirt.

Then she thought about the other kind of dirty things. Like sex. And nude mud wrestling. Nude mud wrestling looked like fun to her. She wanted to try it sometime. Someday, she would do it with someone special to her. If she ever found someone special to her. A special person who wasn't afraid to wrestle, naked, in mud. Those sorts of special people were kind of hard to find.

She didn't figure Phil would be into that stuff. And anyway, he was off somewhere else doing other things.

Joel was just... no. Just no.

She skipped over the idea of Andrew entirely.

That skipping caused her to land on Elly. But she didn't really like Elly. At all. Plus she was a girl. Which... well, she wasn't sure about whether or not that mattered, but she still didn't really like Elly.

So she skipped on. June? Wait, June was back at home. And she would have to say no to June, anyway.

So where did that leave her?

There seemed only one potential candidate for nude mud wrestling left.


Shit. She didn't seem to mind this mental image.

She thought that there ought to be something wrong with it, and yet she didn't see anything wrong with it in her head. So she thought about it for, indeed, several more minutes. Until she realized that she was done relieving her bladder.

She briefly considered, that since she was on the toilet...

But nah.

Besides, someone knocked on the door anyway. And someone was Vi. Cassidy had no idea what the hell Vi would think of her if she found her doing that.

Of course, Cassidy had no idea why Vi had knocked on the bathroom door.

"Hey, Cassie," Violet mumbled sleepily. "You're not the only woman in this condo who pees."

"Oh, oh, sorry," said Cassidy. She got up, flushed, washed her hands, and then exited the bathroom.

Violet gave a somewhat dazed smile as she wandered into the bathroom and shut the door. Cassidy had a strange urge to stand outside her door and listen, but thought better of it. She decided to forget she was going to listen to people peeing, and instead got a soda from the mini-fridge and turned on the TV.

There was a lady of a certain age talking to a lady somewhat younger than that certain age about... she wasn't sure. Something about menopause. It was weird, so she turned to the channel guide.

There didn't seem to be much on. There were some movies, but none she really cared about.

She turned on Animal Planet. Good ol' Animal Planet. The animals were humping. She switched to something else.

She decided to try PBS. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood was on. And all was well.

She felt kinda bad for the guy, bein' all dead. She decided, however, that people feeling bad about it was probably not what Mr. Rogers would have wanted, so she decided to just watch the show and be happy.

They were showing a segment detailing the process of making crayons at a crayon factory. It was endlessly fascinating. Cassidy was amazed at how effortlessly the wax and paper combined.

Vi emerged from the bathroom several minutes later, looking slightly disheveled, and observed the crayons on TV.

"Hey," said Cassidy, "You all right there?"

"Totally," Violet said contentedly. "And you?"

"Good. Wanna sit on the bed with me and watch this?"

She giggled. "Sure." So she did.

And so they sat and watched TV together. Unfortunately, after a while, Cassidy spaced out. Instead of Mr. Rogers, she was thinking about nude mud wrestling.

Granted, this was better than thinking about both at the same time.

Dammit, now she /was/ thinking about both of them at the same time. Eww. The only reasonable alternative was to replace Mr. Rogers with, well, the only reasonable alternative.

She felt weird thinking about that with Violet right there next to her, but she couldn't stop. She looked at Violet, who didn't seem to be all there either.

"Uh... hey... Violet, hello?"

"...Oh. Yo?" Violet came down from her cloud.

"Uh..." Cassidy realized she had nothing to say. "...I... I dunno..."

"Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Violet asked excitedly.

"...That depends upon what you're thinkin'," said Cassidy, who had no idea what the hell Violet was thinkin'.

"I dunno, uh, ROCK CLIMBING?"

"...That clearly wasn't what you were thinking about. And it wasn't what I was thinking about either."

"What, can't a girl seriously think about rock climbing? Wait, what were YOU thinking about?" Violet grew more excited.

"Er... Breakfast. And how I need it."

It wasn't what she had been thinking about at all, of course, but now that she said it, she realized how very hungry she was.

"Suuuuuure... breakfast." Violet smirked. "Anyway, I make mean pancakes."

"Cool, could you make some?" Cassidy asked. "I didn't realize it until just now, but I"m really starving!"

"No problem!" Vi flashed her famous grin. "We just need... ingredients!"

"Lemme guess," said Cassidy. "You want me to get them."

"Nooooo, I want US to get them."

"Oh, okay. Cool."

"Right. Now scram, I'm changing." Violet pointed towards the bedroom door.

Right. Uh... scramming... I'll yeah... get right on... that," said Cassidy, who had no idea why she said it the way she did.

So Cassidy scramt, shutting the door behind her. She waited, tapping her toes, as she heard various items of clothing rustle and whoomph.

She sure did wait.

And boy, she sure did listen.

Finally, Violet emerged in a stunningly average olive-green getup. "Okay!" she exclaimed. "To the store!"

"Right! Except I kind of need to get dressed now, too," Cassidy pointed out. "These clothes are old and grody."

Violet nodded. "A'ight."

So Cassidy went out and dressed while Violet shut the door behind her. She briefly entertained the notion that Violet was listening to her clothes rustling, but then she firmly decided that that didn't matter and put on something vaguely nice.

In fact, Violet was. Not, like, intently or anything, but listening.

So then they were done getting dressed and they went out. Gasp.

They found the grocery store fairly quickly. There weren't that many other people there, mainly old ladies buying instant iced tea mix and cat litter. There was a world of difference between that and them. They were young ladies buying BREAKFAST INGREDIENTS.

Wait, were the old ladies buying those too?

Violet peered into one old lady's cart. "Hey," she asked, "where did you get that organic mumbo-jumbo?" She pointed at the mumbo-jumbo.

"Over there," said the old lady quietly, pointing off to some direction.

"Thanks!" Violet beamed and pushed the cart in some direction. Cassidy shuffled along obediently, sharing a benign glance with the old lady.

In a shocking turn of events, the earth continued to rotate.

As the earth turned, Violet's cart moved toward the area of the supermarket where ORGANIC MUMBO-JUMBO could be purchased.

"Hey, Cassie," she inquired, holding up two boxes. "This or this?"

"I dunno," said Cassidy, "Whichever one won't taste like crap."

Violet thought for a while and then put both back on the shelf.


Joel's Lolly

March 2011

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